Of Nerves and Not Sleeping

So, I’m nervous. My show opens tomorrow, and it’s making me anxious. I think it’s going to be a good show and I’m mostly happy with how all my paintings turned out. And I have the most supportive group of fellow artists at Yukon Artists at Work (YAAW). But I’m still nervous.

I may have mentioned that I’m really an introvert. It took me a long time to realize this. Why do I like to be alone? Why would I rather read a book in bed with a cup of tea, rather than go out to the bar or some event? It didn’t used to be an issue, really, because I would go to these things and just have a couple of drinks and then feel better. Now, I don’t really drink as much as I used to, and with the kids, well, let’s just say I’d rather not deal with them with a hangover. Not fun!

So, alcohol used to be my armour, my protection. These days, I just don’t go to “things” if I can avoid it. And I know that’s not a good thing. I realize I have to do things that push me out of my comfort zone. I’m not sure who said it, but it’s been said that you should do something that gets your blood pumping every day. I get that too. Time is short, life passes you by. These moments are fleeting.

My art co-op has been great for me, not just with the art, but also exposing me to crowds of people and being a part of something bigger. Helping at openings, planning, organizing, and the best part, making friends with people I probably wouldn’t have met in other aspects of my life. I love being a part of it. It gets me out of my shell.

But, I’m still nervous. I didn’t sleep very well last night and don’t expect to again tonight. My brain just won’t stop. Also, I have to give an artist’s talk. I think that’s what I’m really nervous about. I haven’t done it before, so it’s completely nerve wracking. I have to talk about why I do what I do and all that. No pressure. I don’t think, really, that I even know why I do what I do. I just like rainbow colours. Is that a reason? I guess it is.

So, if you happen to be at my opening, please don’t mind me if I’m being weird or jumpy. I’m just nervous. Oh, and if I turn ten shades of red while giving my talk, well, you’ll know why. Maybe you can bring me a glass of wine.

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